Coping with Confusion

I started talking with my father about aging when he was in his '80s. I'm glad I wrote things down and not only for the memories. Since he was a very practical person, his advice is concrete and useful. He said the following when he was in his '90s, but it seems to apply even though I am decades from that. 

I had asked him what he does to cope with confusion. (How old do you think you have to be to feel confused at times? It seems to me it starts when you are two!)

Max's answer:

I avoid change. I don't put things in new places but instead everything has to go back in the same place as always.

I repeat things out loud or in my head -- like 'next, turn off the stove.'

I make a lot of lists.

I write everything down -- what I need for food, when to be someplace, who to call.

I make word associations in my mind. For example: To remember someone who is named Leo, I say 'Leo the Lion' to myself ten times in my head. Somehow it sticks better that way.

I should have learned how to use a calculator. That way when your math declines, it's ok. But I didn't.

Expansiveness

It's only natural to note -and even lament- the things we have more trouble doing as we age, but focusing too much on scarcity often just reinforces it. 

What are the avenues we could expand (I'm not talking waistlines or paunches here) to balance the inevitable contractions?

Peter Abbott writes about being blind and developing his sense of smell. In his book,  A Guide to Scented Geraniaceae, Abbott writes that despite his blindness, by the age of seven he had learned to identify 100 different scented pelargoniums (geraniums are pelargoniums) just by their smell and texture. 

I am going to resolve right now to try to expand my abilities, a la Abbott's role model. I should be ready for spring.

Humour

Getting older is no laughing matter. But sometimes that's the best we can do. 

Max, who lived to be 94, made a joke out of most everything, including himself. 

Thomas Sydenham, the 17th century physician who has been called the father of English medicine, made this claim:  "The arrival of a good clown into a village does more for its health than 20 asses laden with drugs." 

Now what do you think of that?

Comforts

February can be a hard month. There's nothing on the trees, no flowers to look at, and the sky is often overcast. The dryness of the cold air outside and the heated air indoors seem to make our wrinkles blossom. The weather makes it difficult, and sometimes dangerous, to go for a walk or even be outdoors. We definitely need some comfort. 

Think about what gives you comfort, and make sure to put those things on your schedule. In the olde days, women used to buy themselves a new hat, men might smoke a cigar. But neither of those seems so appealing any longer. How about sherry?

If you haven't explored the world of sherries, think about it. A small glass of sherry is nice before dinner, during dinner, after dinner, or even at 3:00 am when you can't sleep. There are sweet sherries and dry sherries and some in-between. My current favorite is manzanilla

Sherry is aged in a consistent way (nice analogy, eh?) so you don't have to look for any particular vintage year (nice analogy, eh?). Find your own favorite glass --or perhaps go on an excursion to buy just the right one - and sip. Not too much, but a small dose--what a comfort.

The hinges on the driver's side of my eight year old Saab started squeaking today. My instantaneous response was ---glucosamine. Shows where my head is, I guess.

I'm starting to see the resemblance between everything and the body, so now it's cars and bodies: parts get dried up. We need to oil our hinges, lubricate-so to speak-our joints. No matter the age, glucosamine once a day and eye cream (for men as well as women) once or twice a day seems more and more important. Of course, check with your doctor before taking any supplements, but staving off achy joints and lines around the eyes applies at any age.

I'm not sure what I'll give my Saab hinge, but it certainly won't be a daily dose.

Intentional Aging

My father Max was incredibly vibrant up until his 94th year. Some of it was luck, some of it genes, but I think he also worked hard at it. I think of it as intentional aging--facing up to the process and doing the best you can at it. I talked with him about it and together we recognized some patterns. One was decreasing skills and coping patterns to respond to these. I plan to put in a lot about these on this blog. Some will be quotes from Max, who you must remember was in his '90s at the time of these conversations and who you will quickly note has a wry, "old-fashioned" type of demeanor. Each idea or strategy will be short and sometimes sweet, sometimes not. I hope that readers will respond by saying what works for them and what they will try.

The first thing that most people seem to face, or complain about, is memory. Even my 30 year old daughter says her memory is "not what it used to be."  Older people routinely state that it is their short term memory that goes away and that they can remember names of childhood friends but not where they put their sox five minutes ago. Here's what Max suggests: "I set up little mind games for myself. When people introduce themselves to me, I right away repeat their name out loud and then say it a few times in my head. At home I make lists in my head, then walk into another room and test myself if I can remember the list. I never liked crossword puzzles but that would be a good thing for people who enjoy that."

More on memory throughout this blog.

Introduction to my blog

From the moment of our birth, we are all getting older every minute. That is one thing we all have in common, and one thing that most of us over 30 lament. Of course there are all those articles and books telling you to love getting older and highlighting the advantages of getting older. This blog is not going to do that!

Instead I want to share ideas--and hear yours--on adaptations to the challenges of getting older. What helps us? What practical things is it good to know and try? What spiritual or community-based things should we look at? How does it feel at different stages? What can we expect? How can we prepare? How can we be more intentional about something that is going to happen no matter what we do? How can we make it easier, more meaningful? How can we cope physically, financially, emotionally? How can we be of aid to those around us facing similar situations?

Who might be interested in this blog? Hopefully, anyone recognizing their own aging needs. Anyone looking in the mirror and facing those first wrinkles around the eyes, anyone feeling tighter and stiffer after their regular workout or just after getting up in the morning, people dealing with older relatives whom they would like to understand better, maybe even some younger folk who want to hear what it's like on the road ahead.

Welcome to my blog.